I could sit here and write you a thousand poems talking about the synchronicity of the Universe, how it brought us together to this point in time and there is a reason for everything. I could sit here and write about all that airy fairy bullshit but truth be told, I just want to be real with you.
I want to say to you yes I have lived before, there’s nothing to say I won’t love again other than the fact I don’t want anyone else, ever and I’ve never been so god damn sure of anything in my life.
I want to say to you to put that the energy between us aside, put the gut feelings and the knowing and the understandings aside and let’s just be human for this one.
As a human I have been through too much and seen too much pain to always rely on what the Universe has in store, yes that’s how I live my life but even I have to strip it down and come landing with a thud into this reality to consider every day life and not just the bigger picture.
There are days I wake up with the passion and vigour of a woman ready to change the world. Alive and ready to take on anything and everything.
Then there are days like today when I don’t have the space in my heart for compassion and empathy and the level of tired I am reaches my soul. There are days like these when I am sick of putting myself in other people’s shoes when I can barely fill my own.
As a human, a tired human on the days I am ten times more likely to be defeated at every turn and I don’t have the energy for the beauty of the world. On these days that I can’t come up with the magic for my usual poetry, that I can’t connect with the Universe because it’s daunting enough walking to the end of the road, on these days I still love you.
On days like these I just want to be real and say
“Hey, it’s okay you know, its okay to feel like you’ve fucked up and you’re stuck going round in circles and feel like there’s points you still haven’t surpassed even though you’ve been on this planet for this long. And you feel like a child when you’re supposed to be an adult. It’s okay.”
And on these days I don’t want to fly to the moon with you or sit on a beach to watch the sunrise on a new beautiful day. I want the things that make us human, every day things like sitting either side of the table talking about nursery with a coffee. You snuggling onto my chest while watching one of the new series we’re binge watching on Netflix or Amazon. Sitting down together after putting the kids to bed and just being silent, no words needed because we’ve both had enough of noise for the day.
On these days I want to be real with you and say it’s worth it, you are worth it. You are worth putting the time in for, we are worth the judgement, the journey, the juggling of responsibility and trying to see where our kind of connection can fit into a world we have to occupy every day while simultaneously trying to sort our shit out and be the adults everyone expects us to be despite the fact we are really still children at heart.
So I’m not gonna write about how our love lights up the sky or how you are the reason for my one hundred thousand lifetimes, we know we can do eternal, we know we can do ethereal, we know we are destined to be. What we need to have faith in right now is ourselves and the fact we will be there through all the bullshit we have to endure, all this being human.
Let’s be flawed and fucked and confused and tired and at a loss for words and imperfectly human. Let’s be human together.